The lessons I learned from healing and moving on from an unfaithful spouse helped me to make better choices in all aspects of my life. Simon Hattinga Verschure. One thing all cheaters have in common is the propensity to cheat! Are you worried about your partner? If so, what causes a man to cheat on the woman he claims to love? Is the cheating man or woman just a selfish, self-absorbed jerk?
Or, is there "dysfunction" lurking beneath his or her deceptive ways? What are the symptoms of a cheater? Most research suggests that rather than there being one thing that all cheaters have in common, there is a common set of characteristics, personality traits and behavior patterns that set serial cheaters apart from their non-philandering counterparts.
The sooner you can recognize these traits, the closer you will be to protecting yourself from their selfish ways. And now, without further ado, let's begin to evaluate the warnings signs of a cheater! A score between 3 and 7 means: They may push the line here and there, but unlikely to cheat. One thing all cheaters have in common: narcissistic tendencies.
Darren Nunis. Most often, cheaters are narcissists, or at the very least, they have many similar narcissistic qualities. For example, they are selfish, greedy, and often think only of themselves. A narcissist typically feels a sense of entitlement and will do whatever necessary to feed the "narcissistic supply". Wikipedia defines "narcissistic supply" as:. The term is typically used in a negative sense, describing a pathological or excessive need for attention or admiration that does not take into account the feelings, opinions or preferences of other people'.
In short, narcissists are self-absorbed, out for number one and lack empathy, which makes it possible for them to have affairs without feeling guilty.Have you ever wondered why some men have affairs?
And even when they are caught, they go ahead and have another one once the dust of the previous one has cleared? These are the age-old questions that people have talked about and different psychologists have tried to explain. The problem with serial cheaters lies in the mentality of the cheater themselves.
And while this is true in some cases, when in comes to serial cheaters — the problem lies squarely with the offender, not the victim. The following are some of the noted points discussed among psychologists to explain serial cheaters behavior:. Considering the above, there can be little hope that serial cheaters can ever truly be changed. The psychology behind their behavior is just too ingrained in who they are as a person.
If you are in a relationship with a serial cheater, you really need to ask yourself if you want to be with someone that holds any of the above 4 mentalities. Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday. You may unsubscribe at any time.
By subscribing, you agree to the terms of our Privacy Statement. Man is said to evolve from apes. Animals have no regard for monogamy but in propagating their species.
They like the thrill of the chase: Men are said to be more inclined to do things which are forbidden. They like the thrill that comes with it. They feel untouchable: Because men are often in power, they feel that the law is in their hands.
Why Do People Keep Cheating? A Pyschologist Explains The Mind Of A Serial Cheater
They are not afraid of the consequences of their action. Or they think they can get away with breaking some rules, even in marriage. But a lot of men are too, even though they may seem simple. His ego tells him he should always come first.
When he feels his needs are not given priority, he looks for someone or becomes vulnerable to someone who will give him just that. More From Thought Catalog. Get our newsletter every Friday!
You're in! Follow Thought Catalog.Hello everyone this is Orlando again, Owner of this site. A serial cheater is what I refer to as people who are addicted to cheating. They struggle to confront the challenges head-on in their relationships or their own individual issues. Through research, I discovered that people addicted to cheating tend to share certain personality traits.
Yes, good people make mistakes too and fall to temptation, but personality flaws increase odds that a cheater will put themselves into situations to cheat and break your heart. But for a quick glance at strong serial cheater signs check out this list of strong indicative activities. Suspect your spouse is a serial cheater but need hard evidence? Run a background check on your spouse with the leader in the industry Truthfinder.
Or find out how to decode their strange micro-cheating behavior here. Does your partner or spouse display any of these serial cheater signs? I am not referring to sexual intimacy, rather emotional intimacy.
You value companionship like me. Your husband wife may not feel the same way. His fear of getting close is a reflection of his insecurity.
He is hypersensitive to share his secrets and show you parts of his personality that he finds ugly. Sharing deep feelings and developing a connection with you scares him. Which of the red flag serial cheater traits does your spouse display? He she would rather enjoy the fun parts of a relationship. A serial cheater has no interest in combining sex and emotional connection. They separate sex from emotion.
The repeat cheater just wants to eat dessert. They have no interest to prepare a full-course meal, then dine all night, clean up and then put the dishes away.If you've been cheated on, you've probably wondered why your partner made that hurtful decision in the first place.
It's even harder when you realize it may not be the first time your partner has cheated on you or on their former partners.
So why do people keep cheating? The answer is complicated and multi-faceted. I talked with certified psychiatrist Dr.
Susan Edelmanwho specializes in women's issues and relationships, to learn what's going on in the mind of a serial cheater. She explained that this question, though a valid and rational reaction, is certainly a hard one to answer. There are a lot of factors that can contribute to someone's infidelity. To understand why people serially cheat, it's important to take note of what our collective definition of cheating is.
Edelman says, "It's tricky, because what constitutes cheating? Being secretly active on a dating site? Lap dances? Edelman ultimately defines serial cheating as "a continuous pattern of seeking out sexual relationships with people other than you partner, without your partner being OK with it. Deception is the key part of cheating.
Serial cheating is more common than you think. A recent study by Scott K. Knopp and associates at the Department of Psychology, University of Denver, showed that people who cheated on a partner were three times more likely to cheat in their next relationship.
And being cheated on has lasting effects. Based on the same study, people who suspected their partner of cheating were four times more likely to suspect their partner in their next relationship. So why do they do it? There are many reasons, Dr. Edelman explains.
Inside The Mind Of A Serial Cheater (And The Truth About Whether Or Not They Can Change)
Serial cheaters don't all cheat for the same reason and Edelman believes it can stem from personality disorders, mood disorders, or past trauma like childhood issues of unworthiness. It can be challenging to engage with intimacy in a healthy way if a person has other challenges within themselves that they have yet to unpack. She goes on to say, "They aren't all alike. They might be narcissistic or sociopathic.A reader posted this question as to whether serial cheaters can change.
In thinking about it I realized the answer is not a simple yes or no.
Serial Cheater Profile: 9 Personality Traits
Many factors enter into the prognosis for serial cheating such as the characteristics of the cheater, whether the cheating is part of an addiction, the motivation to cheat and the motivation to change.
Cheating in general is so common that it further complicates separating out what is serial cheating and what is just the normal state of affairs as it were. Is it simply a pattern of repeated infidelity over time? Certainly someone who continuously seeks out extramarital sexual relationships or hook-ups seems to be by definition a serial cheater. This of course leaves aside the kinds of relationships or sub-cultures in which having multiple partners is accepted by all the participants.
In such cases affairs are not cheating per se since there is no betrayal of trust although subtle forms of manipulation can sometimes be taking place. Alternatively in these cases it sometimes happens that two people in a relationship are both sexually compulsive or that they are part of a group of people who engage in sexual acting out behavior.
But sometimes the cheater is just an opportunist who is takes advantage of whatever pleasures come along without knowing or caring what anybody thinks.
In this case the infidelity itself may not be a sexual addiction but may just represent pervasive pattern of immaturity, impulsivity, self-centeredness or antisocial behavior. He or she may cheat once or many times but the prospects for change may be poor.
Such people may find it easiest to simply get better at covering their tracks or may move on to a new spouse to escape any consequences. But assuming the person is not a pathological narcissist or an out-and-out sociopath then it will be important to ask whether the cheating is part of a larger pattern of problematic sexual behaviors. I have sex addict clients who engage in an array of sexually addictive behaviors with occasional cheating as one of them.
If the cheater is also a heavy porn user or goes to prostitutes, flirts compulsively or is otherwise preoccupied with sex then an initial assessment will most likely reveal that the cheating is part of a compulsive pattern of sexual behavior. In this case it is easier to include even one or two extramarital affairs as part of a sex addiction.
I will look at some of the underlying motives for sexually addictive serial cheating, the motives for stopping and when treatment can be successful. Most people who qualify as sexually addicted, including those with infidelity as one of their sexual behaviors, have certain core negative beliefs. They feel unworthy, feel no one can genuinely love them and so on. As a result of these insecurities, all addicts tend to avoid intimacy and to compartmentalize and split off part of their sexual, romantic or intimate life.
Being intimate with a spouse is problematic for them and they find an escape. I have long been struck by the fact that serial cheaters I have had as clients mostly men are usually married to beautiful women. Often these women are also accomplished and very bright.
These addicts are not looking for something better and in fact often cheat with someone less attractive and less desirable than their spouse. This is not anything the spouse is doing, the addict simply feels inadequate and seeks out a sexual connection of some sort with an inferior companion. This could be an affair partner who is less attractive, has fewer resources or has a lot of problems.
Or it could simply be a commercial sex worker or a casual hook-up of one sort or another who is non-threatening. Any of these kinds of cheating can serve to temporarily make the addict feel more powerful and less insecure. Instead of wondering if he is good enough, the addict who cheats gets to feel like a big shot.
In some cases the cheating is also an expression of resentments against their spouse whom they see as too powerful. These addicts may carry on long term liaisons which seem to defy understanding. The serial cheater needs the constant validation of being seen as sexual.
The addict feels deep down that he has nothing to offer other than his sexual attractiveness. This type of addict will very likely be addicted to flirting and inappropriate behavior generally and will be irresistibly drawn to people who find him attractive. I have had such addicts tell me that the experience of feeling a woman is attracted to them is totally intoxicating.
Because these addicts feel they are worthy primarily as sex objects, they continually seek to sexualize all relationships, even business relationships.By Sarah P. Note: Recently, one of the readers asked whether or not there was a way to know if a person who cheated would be a repeat offender. Though this is written using a man as an example, the traits would apply to women as well. However, human behavior is always complex and a myriad of factors play into the decisions people make, for the better or for the worse.
So, it is with that caveat that I have written this post. I have put together a list of attitudes and behaviors that are commonly found in those who are likely to be unfaithful multiple times.
Those who are likely to have multiple affairs possess one or more of these traits, which take a starring role in their personalities.
Sociopathic attitudes: Constant disregard for rules; lacks guilt and remorse when caught doing something harmful. He appears to lack a conscience in all of his social dealings.
Therefore, he will not settle for being less than top dog. This usually translates into a global disloyalty to everyone in his life. Narcissism: This person displays pathological selfishness, an extreme sense of entitlementand he is always looking for new sources people to feed his ego. His needs are paramount and everyone else exists just to fill them.
In fact, in his mind, only his needs are real and he cannot comprehend that others have needs apart from his own. Addictive behavioral tendencies: He could be a diagnosed sex-addict, or he may just be an alcoholic or recreational drug-user. Unless they have undertaken a long-term process of behavioral modification with the help of a professional, it would be better to assume they will not change.
Fool me twice, shame on me. You can download this guide by clicking here. Displaces blame: This man constantly displaces the blame onto others when he is clearly the person at fault.
He will perform the most impressive mental acrobatics in order to make it seem as if others are the cause for his terrible behavior. But he always, always, always finds away to displace blame. In fact, this bis his most reliable trait—his ability to always blame others for his bad behavior. Yes, ladies, this guy can appear to be really exciting.
But, his adrenaline seeking behavior usually extends to his love life and he finds the challenge of conquering new women intoxicating. Early role modeling involving infidelity: This guy has wounds from his childhood and he has witnessed one or both parents cheating over and over again.
He did not have positive role models and he does not know how to do things differently. When trouble strikes his marriage in the form of boredom, fighting, mid-life crisishe will likely begin an affair.
After he starts having affairs, it is easier for him to continue than to find other ways to handle marital frustration. Low tolerance for deferring gratification: This guy has to have everything now and he cannot see how current actions effect future outcomes.
He might have mountains of credit card debt and his house might be littered with doo-dads he does not need. If this type of personality enters into an affair and loves the feeling, it is highly unlikely he will go back to faithful behavior.
Extreme insecurity: This fellow needs constant reassurance and he is always looking for sources of reassurance. If he has decided to use other women as a source of reassurance and specifically if he feels reassured by the affairs that he has, he will have a difficult time letting that source go.
This is a list of personality traits that might pre-dispose someone to an affair. However, these traits can be present and a man may not have an affair at all. Or, if he does, he may not continue.
These traits just make him more than likely to have affairs and continue having them.One of the most painful things anyone can experience is finding out that your partner is cheating. Infidelity in marriages or committed relationships can take a severe toll on the relationship. However, what happens if your partner cheats again? You may just be with a serial cheater. Nowadays, serial cheating has become a theme for several relationships globally. Sometimes, you may not even be aware that your partner cheats frequently.
This is especially true when episodes of infidelity happen more than once. So why does your spouse keep cheating?Serial Cheater \u0026 Pathological Liar
Most experts put down the action of serial cheats to their psychological state or a certain mentality. Many of them indulge in it for the thrills involved, the excitement of doing something normally forbidden. For some others, it could be as a result of discontent or unhappiness in their current relationships. These sets are always looking for little bursts of bliss elsewhere, so always need to cheat.
There are several other reasons why serial cheaters behave the way they do. The behavior could also stem from childhood traumas, personality disorders, sex addiction, or just plain selfishness.
Some even cheat because of low self-esteem. You may not be able to understand why they keep cheating until you get help. There are some signs you should lookout. Some habits are peculiar to serial cheaters. When you catch a serial cheater, the first thing they will try to do is deflect blame. People who regularly indulge in extra affairs outside their relationships always find ways to justify their actions. They blame everything and everyone possible before accepting the blame.
A serial cheat will readily blame their spouse for different reasons anytime they get caught in the act. The serial cheater looks for ways to be defensive as a way to justify cheating. They may just be an expert at it! If your partner is slow to show remorse when caught, it may not be their first time down that lane. Serial cheaters hardly feel guilt, making it hard for them to accept wrong. As stated earlier, they try to blame it on other situations first. And if your spouse eventually apologizes, take note of the quality of apology.
Any partner that apologizes for cheating to avoid discussing the topic may not be genuinely apologizing. One of the characteristics and mentality of a regular cheater is a disregard for the seriousness of infidelity.